It’s 3 a.m. and I’m driving home in one of the first big snows of the season.
Even though I’ve lived in northern Ohio all of my life, I really don’t like cold weather and snow, and I certainly do not enjoy driving in it.
The thought that starts to occupy my mind is that I’m not even supposed to be here in Ohio; I should be in warm and sunny SC. Those plans came to a screeching halt just a few months ago.
I do not want to think about it; there’s no use starting the “shoulda coulda woulda” conversation in my mind. I’ve accepted the path I am to walk forward on.
I turn my focus back to the snow covered road.
There is something to be said about the quietness of driving in freshly fallen snow. As I drive my car on this unspoiled snow covered road, I find myself in a moment of Zen.
I turn my heater on low, turn my car stereo off and breathe in deeply, listening to the silent softness of my surroundings. In this moment I am the only person on the planet; my car glides mellifluously along the dazzling carpet of fresh snow that Mother Nature has generously provided this area with.
Driving through this winter wonderland, I realize that recently I have been gliding through my life instead of taking an active role in it; I am normally a woman of great words and actions.
I have become too complacent; I know that I must get my focus back and drive full speed ahead toward the horizon of the life I truly want and desire. No one else can be behind the wheel except for me – I must create my own treasure maps.
I’ve driven this road thousands of times before, but tonight I’m seeing it, and my life, in a new light.
The trees glisten with glittery sparkles of snow; I feel as if I am in the midst of a picturesque snow globe. Houses adorned with bright seasonal lights are now muted underneath the weight of the snow; I am in breathless adoration at their silent twinkling.
I was once a bright and shining star in the story of my life; this past year and a half has found me doubting my role and stance in life – along with my creative style and direction. I need to resurrect that sparkle and shine in my everyday life once again, release my fears and let my creativity take me to new levels.
I’m thankful that I know the layout of this road – every single one of its stops, bends and turns, because I am the first to navigate and leave tracks on it tonight.
It is blustery and cold out; the snow dances its pirouette across the road as I drive. I’m not concerned with the normal things that run through my head when I’m driving home in the snow, like praying that my almost bald tires do not cause me to slide off the road into a ditch.
No, my mind is completely in the moment and focused on the calming sound of silence.
I think back to the grand new plan I had for my life a few months ago when I suddenly came to a fork in the road; I was forced to take the more familiar path due to circumstances out of my control.
This is where I am meant to be for now – I have accepted that fact.
I swore I wouldn’t let that road lead me to the same old tedious outcome I’ve come to know so well, yet here I am – same road and same direction.
In this moment I don’t care how cold it is; I roll my window down so that I can put my arm out into the snow that is now falling at a steady clip. As the cold runs from my arms through to the rest of my body, I feel a shock of awakening in my soul; I know a magnificent change in my life is forthcoming.
There are no other sounds around except my car traveling through this beautiful white snowy wonderland; my thoughts slow down and take in the tranquility around me.
Since I am the only one on this road tonight, I stop my car, put it in park and get out. I don’t care that it is cold, windy and snowing hard, nor do I care that I do not have a proper coat on. I walk in front of my car, in the warm glow of my headlights, and spin around like I used to when I was a child. I laugh at myself and cannot contain my joy; I am caught up in a moment of sheer bliss.
In the summer months, there is nothing better than a refreshing soul cleansing dance in the rain; my frolicking in the snow on this night has brought to me the same feelings – I needed this to reset my mind.
When I get back in my car, I shake off the snow from my hat and sit there for a few more minutes, watching the snow fall, smiling. My footprints in front of the car are disappearing in the freshly fallen snow.
No worries, not a care in the world; as far as I’m concerned in this moment, there is a serene peace in the world at large. I’ve never felt so grounded and centered as I am right now; I know that I must bring my dreams to reality.
I take in this moment once again as I drive off.
I think back on the plan I made for my life back when I thought I would be moving south – I realize that nowhere in that plan did it have a specific location noted. I can still do everything I intended to from anywhere.
I have my drive and focus back.
As I finally make my way home, I park my car and turn off the engine. I close my eyes and take one more deep breath as I collect my things to go into my apartment building and retire to sleep for the night. Trudging slowly through the snow to the front door, reality starts to set back in; I stop and take one final twirl in the snow and smile, remembering the lessons I learned tonight.
I have a new appreciation for winter and snow. No more thoughts of hatred towards winter; we have an understanding after tonight.
I know I have to take action; it is time to take the reins once again and move forward in my life. The time to shape my life the way I want it is way overdue.
I am the creator of my own bliss.
There is point and purpose to these cold and dreary months. Winter must come, I think to myself, with its blanketing snow and freezing cold, preparing the earth for the heralding springtime rebirth.
In my life, I am in the midst of my own winter – spring is just around the corner and I cannot wait to flower and bloom. What a glorious spring it will be this year!
Laura Bock is a freelance writer and photographer. She is an old school punk and alterna-chick that prefers wearing Doc Martens over a pair of heels. She’s recently learned to de-clutter and simplify, so that she might pursue the life she so desperately craves. Her passions are writing, travel and photography. You can connect with Laura on Facebook, Twitter and her blog, Tales of a Formerly Inadequate Fat Girl.