There has been a strange sensation brewing in my gut for months now, sitting on the precipice of what feels like a love like no other.
I keep thinking I can define it, or visualize it, or even manifest it into reality.
The truth is that the universe is sending me someone that was destined from before I was born. Sounds hokey and cliché, yet divine love is like none other than the epitome of what our soul is here to do and experience.
From the moment we set eyes on each other, the entire world might breathe a sigh of relief.
The energy swirling around of late is calling souls to each other, and there is no denying how it will all play out. Every fiber in my body and beating heart will know him, resonate with him and surround us in light and love.
If any past relationship years have taught me anything, it is to bide my time and never settle again.
What did I know as a 30 year-old, feeling more like a teenager?
The late bloomer in me was denied and repressed, so jumping at the chance to be swept up into another man’s arms was enticing and all-too popular. My true self was never given the chance to blossom and ripen into the middle aged woman I am today.
I was overly determined to please and submit, and look where it got me. Twice divorced, single, wild, carefree, happier than ever, and loving myself and my mission in this life. It is no wonder that women who have had their hearts burst into a thousand pieces, (only to pick them back up again), will venture into the unknown depths of eternal love.
It can’t be predicted. Love must bide its time, and only then will the forever person show up.
As I’ve written in journals and other sources of outing my internal emotions and vulnerability, the notion of souls connecting and personal pleasures within partnership has this effect on me to up the ante of attraction. It isn’t some mask-wearing alter ego, but rather being solely and in the raw, human.
I love to love. I have also been afraid to love. Now, I am embracing love.
A year ago, I even adopted a dog to keep the vessels of my heart open and alive. He is a divine match for me, there is no question. I had been without any daily companionship for far too long, yet when our energies met and connected, a story inside began to unfold of how much more I needed to heal and where it would all lead.
I have gained my own respect and understanding and love of everything I am and everything I can possibly be to another. Some days I wake up and feel like screaming to the heavens “I am alive!” because after years of tamping down my burning weaknesses and desires, the recovery that has gripped me for one too many years is now bursting forth in the greatest of fashion.
I would start at the beginning of this whole dilemma, yet I am throwing caution to the wind, giving fear a big swift kick in the rear, and sending it on its merry way. Every walk that I take with my dog, (sometimes two to three per day due to his energy level), I reflect, I think, I imagine, I create, I smile. Most times I cannot wait to get home to jot down all the words rolling around my brain and percolating in my heart.
This has been the onset of attracting the wishful coupling I was born to be in.
See it. Think it. Feel it.
These three short and to-the-point phrases have been my mantra for years now. Before I proceed with more of my own partnership and relationship foibles and eccentricities, I need to define my “Forever Man.”
He is the embodiment of my best self.
I have to forgo all that mirroring and completion nonsense because it was too soon to tell what the future will hold. This man is a human being encased in platinum, with a love for his own self that compares to none. He takes care of his health, his spirituality, his instincts, his emotions, his goals and what drives him into the world, and above all, he has a sincere interest in the welfare of others.
He is not like many I have known before.
He is more of a work of art, with all of his colorful traits and intricate habits displayed on the vastness of the earth’s landscape. This forever man is passion and pleasure all rolled up into one. He takes nothing for granted, respects his people and his person, and faces the day with his best self, even if that means his hair is crumpled, his beard is scruffy and he has a few bags under his eyes. I love him anyway, warts and all.
When the forever man is in public, he is kind, considerate and respectful, treating others as he himself wishes to be treated. Privately, he ponders with the corners of his mouth turned up when nature presents herself to him. He gestures with manly hands and a winsome look to the dog, for their bond is unshakable.
This forever man loves me for all that I am, and all that I have become. There are no two ways about it.
Now that I breathed that definition out of me, I can relax a bit and let go, and allow.
We are in the Age of Aquarius, and my intuitive nature has been on overdrive since the onset. Yes, my marriages had all the elements of good, bad, distasteful, exciting, respectful, narcissistic, avoidance, forgiveness and every other descriptive adjective under the sun. But something was there, something so profound that led me to where I am today.
I could dismiss the years spent with two separate men for however many years we were together, yet that might be doing the sacrament a bit of a disservice. What I did not know then, I certainly can embrace now. Who I was 25 years ago was definitely someone I could look in the mirror and say,
“Wow, do you even have a clue as to what you are doing in this relationship with another person?”
The answers today fire as rapidly as I wished they would have long ago. But this is me now, a 56-year-old woman with a graying crown, more smile lines around my eyes and cheeks, a belly that has remnants of tautness, feet that ache after a full day’s work and a heart yearning for the realness of the forever man.
Everything gets put into perspective for me on a daily basis. I recently met an elderly man, a retired veteran who bases him home in both Texas and Southern California. He was an avid talker. As my spry little dog curiously checked out his open garage area, this kind man chatted up a storm about how he needed to go to the grocery store, how sharing duties and responsibilities with his wife of 40 years is who he is now, and how this life of his is not about him anymore.
He was emphatically clear about that last point. It made me soften and listen and grin from ear to ear.
He is a forever man to his wife.
No matter what he does in his golden years, how he lives his 24 hours a day are devoted to his other person. I walked away wondering if every forever man feels this way once they reach a certain age. Then my happy pup sprinted out from behind the man’s parked car and showed me the joy of what being and having divine love is all about.
It is a moment of contentment and satisfaction, knowing that who I am and who he is will bring us closer every day.
The story unfolds as wise and wonderful, beckoning both of us to extend our arms to each other and never be parted for longer than necessary, and what a story it will be. We go all in, we walk hand in hand, we lock lips in symphonic harmony, we caress each other’s hair and body, and we share secrets and history of our woes and our worries.
Gathering up our nerve to meet and rise above any pettiness or distractions from the past, my forever man and I will shake off the storms and swim with the seas. Lord knows I have plenty of water dreams where I am fending off some rabid aquatic life, which can instantaneously move me through calm seas of emerald beauty. This is where he resides; not just in my head, but in my dreams of heart and soul.
He is there. He is waiting and searching in a synchronous way with me, our movements towards each other from parallel lives to intertwined beings. It is no coincidence that since my last breakup of four years with a wonderful heart of a human has led me to this time in my pioneering life.
Who knows how we shall come together, or when, or where? What matters is that the forever man already has the plan and the purpose, and we just so happen to be on the same page.
Gerry Ellen is an author, freelance writer and all-around creative soul. She enjoys sharing her experiences of life, love and all things meaningful and healthy through words and images. She is a regular contributor to Meet Mindful, Be You Media Group and Rebelle Society, and has also been a featured columnist on elephant journal, Light Workers World, and The Good Men Project. Gerry Ellen considers her love of nature and the outdoors, heart-centered connections, friends and family and traveling to explore and expand as the epicenter of her world. Her other passion is service work through 8 Paws Wellness with her dog, Scout. She has written and published two books, Ripple Effects (March 2012) and A Big Piece of Driftwood (April 2014), which are available on amazon.com.