Recently, my heart was exfoliated.
After it was scrubbed, years of cellular debris from past loves and woes fell away, clearing the exterior of my heart. A healthy new layer emerged and for the first time ever, I was able to feel love without hesitation.
Though the relationship was not meant to last, the experience opened the vault doors and emancipated my heart. Awash in light and love, my heart became fearless of being fully open to love and it grew in many ways.
The right love can leave your heart in better shape than it was found, even if it’s not your forever love.
Sometimes a love comes along, sweeping every bit of you into the fold of what feels like the flow of forever.
Breathlessly, your everything glides along. Your spirit dances to the beat of melodic bliss because in that exact moment, you are in tune with the very definition of what you believe love to be.
Your head is dizzy from the pace of unrelenting wit in conversation, and the insightful connectivity you’ve found. Even your skin tingles and glows from the happiness in your heart. All feels perfect in your universe.
Finally, it has happened to you, the type of love you’ve witnessed but never experienced. The love flows into your cells in the precise way you were born to be loved.
This love inherently knows and speaks the very unique language of you. No words fully encompass or define it; you can’t verbalize it to others, and you really don’t need to. They see it all around you and how you seemingly walk above the earth floating, beaming and loving.
Why in the world would you choose to release this love of all loves?
In an unexpected moment, you catch a glimpse through the portal into your tomorrow and it does not include this person.
Your heart stammers,
Your brain states,
“Well, maybe there’s an explanation.”
The only part of you that has clear perspective is your soul. It knows. Your soul always knows. This is where your inner compass is housed, where all receptors of truth are wired, and where there is no room for fiction.
You begin to reconcile the discrepancies between this treasured love and the need to continue on your individual path. Because now, you’re heart is wide open.
Once you’ve opened all the never-before-opened doors to be fully present and feel this love this deeply, it is impossible to close them. This new expansion requires more space than your previous heart could contain.
You realize that you will never fit in the previous version of yourself, just like a fully bloomed flower will never shrink back into its own seed.
How is it then, that this love which completely illuminates the protected vault within your core, this love that has hurtled your heart forth towards its boldest expression, can be the same love you must release?
Realizing that I’d co-created this love was an essential piece to my understanding.
In my fear of never feeling love this deeply again, I limited my perspective to what was brought into the relationship and held it tightly. It seemed impossible to release until I took a step away and expanded the scope of my perspective. I began to see my own contributions to creating the space and building the foundation for that love to exist.
I then understood that I was the architect, with the knowledge to construct anew when I was ready.
Once I realized that personal evolution had attracted this beautiful experience, that I’d played the largest role in bringing wholehearted love into my life, there was nothing left to question.
The love simply needed to be released, its gifts to be upcycled into my tomorrow. I let it wash out to sea along with my attachment to the person. Tandem rides made for two halves won’t fit where I’m headed. Previously, I’d searched for someone to share the journey, believing we needed to be on the exact same course.
However, I now know this:
My course is chartered for one whole person. It is built for one me, one heart, one love—my ever present, enduring self-love.
My next relationship will flow on the same wavelength with a person who has carefully chartered their own course. One who nurtures their own soul with an ever present, enduring self- love.
Two wholehearted courses, self-navigated and self-sustained, interwoven by mutual love and choice rather then need or fear.
I am ready.
I have no regret for the time devoted or love shared and received from the love I’ve released. To date, this was the greatest love of my life. This love exfoliated my heart, rehabilitated and revived my ability to receive love into every cell of my being.
This was the love that gently sanded away the years of cellular growth I tightly held to insulate myself from loss and hurt.
I too have been released, no longer confined to my own fear of intimacy.
I am grateful for all the days and ways my heart was exfoliated and healed. I rejoice in the feelings never before experienced and that I have perspective on what I can co-create and share with another.
What is on my horizon is even bigger than I can imagine. I feel it in the air all around me. Sails are lifting, and my heart is buzzing with anticipation. In its new, transparent, penetrable veneer my heart is ready for the love it deserves.
Finally, it has happened.
Photo: Courtesy of the Author.
Laura Phoenix Power is a city born, island bred, writer, humorist, mother, a passionate lover of music and a dedicated food and wine enthusiast. Her heart can usually be found on her sleeve and sometimes in close proximity to her foot, which at times, is planted in her mouth. Laura chose Phoenix as her legal name because she loves and lives in the spirit of a true Phoenix, a symbol of renewal and rebirth. An unstoppable force, the phoenix always regenerates and rises.
Laura loves being a parent, her daughters inspire her towards alignment between her heart and personal evolution. She has been in the ash pile a few times and every renewal brings about more authenticity, inner peace and a wickedly, absurd sense of humor. It’s a personal essential, she doesn’t leave home without it.
Some endings are not an impasse but instead an intersection of hope and limitless possibility.
To find out more about Laura, please visit her website.