Inside (the Womb Garden & Me). ~ Jaymz Hawkes

Posted on Posted in Be Brave, Be Inspired., Be Love., Be You.

inside

A passage to the heart is an eight lane highway with many intersecting borders, rivers and creek beds.

And there is a steeple, situated beside the valley in which I was born. 

It is strange I’ve not noticed this—in this way—before. It’s by no accident, and it is where I’m at. 

There is a house made of pure energy. The pulse is firing our arms and burning our wardrobe. This pulse is bereavement and accomplishment, all in one. 

I can see an older woman. She has a strong, illustrious, radiant light around her. She is cleaning the ceiling of all the webs that have been abandoned. She smiles, and she is not worried about anything that may be happening, not even the cracks in the walls or the doorways which creak and cause a haunting whispering sound. 

At this point, I realised it has always been in my reflection. The older woman, and the steeple too.

I brushed my teeth in this mirror for years and never looked directly into my eyes. 

The atom that started it all, has stared back at me and I never once replied or noticed it. I never planned a departure or an event of arrival. I didn’t have to, as once upon a time I just knew how to play.

I saw the lifespan of every backwater, hillside and pond I ever dared dream within. While floating in these walls of solitude, noise and disruption, I saw my adventures and I relished for so long in their meaning, I had forgotten to move forward. 

A flash is like a reflector or a beam so bright, glimpsed by a mirror, the mirror in which I stood in front of and asked why is this hurting like it does. And it so suddenly appeared without trying to see it.

I was coming down the highway, not warning anyone of my presence, not observing the strangers bumping into each other as they wandered, or moved in a direction against the wind.  

I was just recognising me and seeing where I am right now. 

I am not in the idle stream of a dream.

I have been in transit. 

I was at the junction and I saw all the youth ride into their lives and I remembered I once kissed a girl when I was not looking and I discovered she felt good for me at the time and we walked all night. 

A flattering starlight kiss and a gestural incline is all it was, yet it was also Paris in a fishbowl and I was a strong lover for a night.

In a time I thought I was so alive, I was running conspicuously from anything that was real. 

I saw the stars of a clear black sky shoot through me like it was a common natural occurrence and I found my inside, screaming to be seen. I was dreaming of a passage, the passage to me and I found you, smiling from far across the room where seemingly, no one had noticed you.

You told me you felt the memories of fire and ice sting inside your skin and burn at your resilient soul and that all the reasoning never made any sense at all. 

The incidence of parallel, a partial collapse and integral elemental structural depletion of the physical world and all its senses, this has brought us together, finally. Here, in the same room I have been dwelling and you have been here too. 

I remembered the starlight kiss so many years before, realising that chemistry was just an idea and the journey was an end of the troubles which haunted unnecessarily. The Path is provoked by so much more disturbing excitement to come. 

However it may be, a realisation of the imagination and the beautified foretelling of futuristic ideals to come, it is the best time I’ve ever had. A distaste and a bad moment in time collided, a pause then presented itself and told me quite directly, 

“You’re actually waking up and this is only just beginning to make sense, so you might want to open your heart, you may even want to release all of those pains in your stomach, because, you are here, you are not going anywhere toward the other side as it is not your time to decide. Your little boy needs you, he needs your presence and it is a reminder, the feminine spirit has almost arrived and she is traveling rapidly to your door, waiting for your Love, in the form of your baby boy.”

In the same room of the house we spoke about, before we found each other in the flesh, we always knew, we were never told of the location or the compass instilled within us both. 

We have now created a space. A human is growing within our chests. And a dream maker is wandering the hills in lavish excitement, believing in nothing at all, because why would we want to believe in anything at all.

We have always felt a pull to the source like a deathly rip in the oceans current and we always swam when we couldn’t and drowned as we fell fast to the floor of the oceans, where we wanted to begin

 Image: Everton Vila/Unsplash

jaymz-hawkes-2Jaymz Hawkes is in his early 40s living in Melbourne Australia. Jaymz is a man who is not afraid to shine and speak out of turn and use his voice to make a change and turn the page. To invest in an ideal and run with both feet, on the ground. He works in community health, has a loving young family (with his first child on the way). As an artist, a dreamer, a poet and a father to be, he is finding his peace by being right here, and alert when needed. The rest of the time Jaymz just wants to play as an innocence is being born, not just in the womb of his love, but here in the world, where he is no longer running away. 

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